Every morning, sometime between 1:00 am and 4:00 am Ava wakes up. She is hungry and that is the point at which, even if just for an hour, hunger wins over sleep.
This morning it was 1:37... but momma was tired... oh so tired. So, I pulled her out of her co-sleeper and into bed with me. She snuggled right in and the next thing I knew it was 3:50.
I looked down, realized that she seemed to be pretty well passed out and so I slid her over to her co-sleeper and debated on whether I could go another 2 hours before I pumped. At 4:05 she answered that question for me so downstairs we went.
Every early morning is the same. I lay her in the boppy with her binkie in her mouth and I pump. If it has been anywhere longer than 3-4 hours she just chokes and spits so I just resign myself to pumping to save us both the trouble.
As I pump she patiently waits. She will smile at me and sometimes coo or suck on her binkie and drift in and out of sleep. As tired as I am, I love this time, just me an her. Over the last almost four months her patience has astounded me. Last night it had been somewhere around 9 hours since she had eaten yet never did she freak out. Just watched me pump knowing that I would take care of her. Knowing that, no matter what, mom would make it better.
At 4:45 I fell back into bed, too exhausted to be awake one minute longer and at 6:00 when the alarm went off I wanted nothing more than just to continue sleeping, so I did. Finally at a little before 7:00 she was awake. No crying, just a little bit of squawking to let me know it was time.
As I changed her to get her ready for daycare she smiled at me and cooed and I still, almost four months later, was amazed that they let me bring her home. That this amazingly awesome child is mine and that I get to keep her.
Sometimes life is crazy and we spend all day running around but at night, it is quiet and calm. Just me and her enjoying these little moments that will be gone all too soon.
Abandoned - I didn't mean for this space to go dark... but it sort of has. The new blog is up and running and that feels like my new home. I'm not sure what will becom...
4 years ago